Tech Exec Wellness Podcast: Conversations to Reignite Your Soul

Big Law to Big Wins: Reinventing Success with Judy Selby

• Melissa Sanford

Share episode

Support the show

Please visit our website https://www.techexecwellness.com to stay up to date and subscribe to our newsletter!

Speaker 1:

Hi, welcome back to another episode of the Tech Exec Wellness Podcast. Today I'm delighted to have Judy Selby on our first podcast of 2025. So she's our first guest. This is going to be really exciting and I just want to give the listeners a background on her. As a certified performance coach and former award-winning attorney with 30 plus years of big law experience, judy specializes in helping lawyers and other high achieving professionals achieve next level success in their careers and lives. Her coaching blends practical strategies, a blue collar work ethic, which we'll talk about in a bit, and insights from her number one bestselling book, the Untold Secrets to Thrive as a Lawyer even if you didn't go to Harvard or Yale, and that was released in October of 2024. Judy, welcome to the show. You know that you're in the hot seat, so before we get started, I want to talk to you about what you're listening to, what's your favorite music genre and if you can share maybe a couple of different concert experiences for our listeners.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I'm a rocker, I'm definitely a rocker. I guess, if you know I had to pick a favorite band, it would still be the Beatles. I think they were so transformative and you know I learned how to play the guitar to the Beatles songs when I was a kid. So I would say that that was. You know, they're so foundational. And then you know, I still I'm not like a heavy metal rocker but I like progressive rock and but you know I'm also eclectic. You know I'll put on like 40s music sometimes or I love a string quartet on a Sunday morning.

Speaker 1:

you know that type of thing.

Speaker 2:

But yeah, yeah, and concerts. Man, I haven't been to a concert in a long time. What, yeah? I remember when I was in high school I'm probably dating myself my sister worked for a bank in New York. We were in college at the time and one of the guys that came in to make deposits every day into the commercial account for the company you work for you work for Swan Songs, and so he used to get us tickets to Led Zeppelin concerts and things like that. So I remember going to the sixth row in the garden to see Zeppelin and I couldn't hear for two days afterwards.

Speaker 1:

I'm not kidding, I swear, I swear. I was just going to ask you if you were into Led Zeppelin or Iron Maiden, and I am so jealous. Can you just talk about that concert? Because I love Zeppelin, I grew up with them. As a kid, my mother had the LPs, the eight tracks. I'm dating myself too.

Speaker 2:

It was phenomenal, you know, we were up so close. You know, the one time, like I said, we were in the sixth row and so we were right there, basically on the stage, so that in and of itself was incredible. You know he would always start, or they would always start with been a long time you know, which is cool.

Speaker 2:

Robert Plant was so skinny, you know, I never will forget that. You know he was wearing like this kind of silky buttoned down shirt, mostly unbuttoned, and very, very like kind of low cut jeans, very, very tight jeans. He had that great hair back in the day, but he wouldn't do the high notes. He would go to a lower register than you know he would do on the records. So that was somewhat disappointing.

Speaker 2:

But one thing I remember from that concert was there was a drum solo that went on and on and on for a long time and you saw, you know, because we were so close, you could see Plant like sitting on the side. He was like sitting on a piano or something, and he might have been smoking a cigarette, I can't swear to that. And then it was almost like he looked at his watch and you saw him. We could only see it. We could see it because we were so close, kind of sneaking up to the microphone to start singing again, you know, in some big dramatic moment. But we kind of saw that and so that was pretty cool.

Speaker 1:

You know, one of my favorite songs is Cashmere. I think that such good storytellers. I mean the music you just got entrenched in it.

Speaker 2:

I loved it. Yes, definitely, and I was never like a like a pot smoking kid or anything like that. But, boy, you know, you would practically feel like that just from listening to that song, oh my goodness, and you know, this is just.

Speaker 1:

I'm just so elated, like after. I mean I've, I love a lot of the stuff that you post, and this just really puts the icing on the cake here, because I love Led Zeppelin, I love music. I think it really does a lot for the soul and it's just so weird. I was thinking Led Zeppelin when you were talking, so I'm just this is such a privilege.

Speaker 2:

Likewise and you know I feel the same way about music I have certain playlists that I play. You know, I have one that's called Feel Good Playlist and that just has like this bizarre collection of songs across all kinds of genres. But you can't help but feel good when you hear this collection of songs, and I have a morning playlist that's very like. Come on, let's go you know like little.

Speaker 2:

I'm in there, you know that kind of thing. So I'm a big believer in utilizing the power of music to impact your state, because I really believe your state is really everything.

Speaker 1:

No, it really is. I think I've mentioned this on a podcast recently, but you really have to be careful what you consume and digest. This on a podcast recently, but you really have to be careful what you consume and digest. And the fact that you've got curated playlists that kind of you know touch in and help you elevate, I think that's really cool. I'm excited to hear that you like Eminem, led Zeppelin. Anything else we should know about Judy that you that we would be surprised to know.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, here's something that always shocks people, okay, absolutely shocks people, cause I'm not much of a like a, um, a chef or a cook. Um, I don't really do that type of thing. Um, I mean, I guess I could, I can, if I need to, but I just kind of don't. But in any event, when I was in high school, um, I went to kind of a weird high school in Brooklyn. That was a series of individual buildings and I got to school early one day and it was pouring rain, pouring, pouring, pouring, and my friend and I are standing outside. All the buildings are locked, you couldn't get in. Then somebody else comes over and says there's one building open but they're giving a test in there. So if you go in you have to take the test. So I'm like, what test? And they're like Betty Crocker, homemaker of the Year. Oh, goodness.

Speaker 2:

And I said I'm taking the test because I did not want to stand outside in the rain. So I go in this classroom soaking wet and I sit down and they hand me the exam and there's a whole bunch of people in there taking it. It was a multiple choice and, melissa, I remember some of the questions, like there were some like childcare kind of questions, some questions about cooking things. I remember one question in particular about what do you look for when you're hanging a picture on the wall, and that was ingrained in my head with my dad the studs in the wall, and I do remember that question. So I take this test and I stay dry, and that was the last I thought about it.

Speaker 2:

And then about three months, four months later, I get a phone call on a Saturday morning from a friend of mine. She's laughing so hard she can hardly talk to me and I said what is going on? And she's like you won, my goodness. I said I won what she said you won the Penny Crocker thing. So that's like that's always a shock to people. I can't do any better than that with a story.

Speaker 1:

You know what? This is the first we've been. We've been going on since October 2023. And this is the first. So, judy, you have. You have raised the bar significantly for us.

Speaker 2:

There you go.

Speaker 1:

So, before we get into wellness and whatnot one of the things that I read in your bio as I was reading it can you talk about the blue collar work ethic?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, I'd be happy to. I'm. I'm a, I'm from Brooklyn, you know, and my family is very, very blue collar. And my dad worked on the waterfront and he got that job. It was a union job and he got it through my mom's dad, who was an Irish immigrant. And so what they did was they would sit on these cranes and these big elevated booths way, way, way up in the air. They would climb up a ladder to get there and they would unload cargo from ships, and so it was a very dirty job. My dad started that job, as it was called, the fireman, meaning he was shoveling coal into the furnace that would power the crane up.

Speaker 2:

So this was the family I grew up in, you know. But my mom in particular, but my dad as well, wanted my sister and me to go to college, and my sister was only one year older than me, so we went to college and then but you know, I grew up with this, you know this blue collar work ethic. I remember, you know, we lived a little over a mile away from the closest subway and it didn't matter Rain, snow, sleet, hail we walked the mile to the subway, took the subway, walked the mile back at night, no matter the weather, the time of day. We just did it Like you never even thought about it. You know, my mom had a lot of health issues when I was growing up and my sister and I were, you know, doing you know the laundry, the cleaning hanging outside of windows. You know, cleaning, cleaning windows. I was always helping my dad fixing cars and mowing lawns and going around making money, shoveling snow in the winter and you know all of that kind of stuff. So that's just kind of how I was and all of that kind of stuff. So that's just kind of how I was.

Speaker 2:

And when I decided to go to law school, which was after my fifth knee surgery and I had been a trainer like a fitness trainer and a coach, and after my fifth knee surgery I was like man, I really should sit down, I don't know. I just decided I was going to go to law school, but I knew nothing about it and I couldn't even say those words out loud. It didn't sound right coming out of my mouth. But of course I went to law school and I was a young associate, I was doing well. We just finished a trial, a 10-week trial that initially was involving a lot of law firms and then only three of us were left at the end when the jury verdict came in and we actually won.

Speaker 2:

So after that trial I got a phone call from this partner at a very, very elite law firm in Manhattan and he said, judy, because we worked together on that trial before his firm, you know they settled out for his client. But he called me and he said Judy, you're a very talented lawyer, I want you to come and work with me. And I said, oh, man. And he said I want you to come in the office and meet some people. Um, but it's not an interview. You can work here if you want. I'll never forget it. I'll never forget it.

Speaker 1:

It's amazing.

Speaker 2:

So I go in and I'm meeting a bunch of people and you know, kind of picking up the vibe of the place, and then I meet this one, one partner in particular, and he had this corner office and we were. He had a little alcove in this corner where he had a chair like a cushiony chair, a little love seat, and there was a coffee table right there, and so we're sitting down there and he said to me you know, hey, judy, you know how are you? How are you going to feel about working here, where you know, where everybody else, you know, went to Harvard or Yale, you know, and you didn't. And so I don't know what came over me, what possessed me.

Speaker 2:

I must've been on a real high because we had won that big trial or something, cause I'm like a third or fourth year lawyer at the time. And I say, doesn't there come a time where it doesn't matter where you went to law school and doesn't? Doesn't what really isn't how you work and what you do? Isn't that what really matters? And I said I'm a really good lawyer, I work very hard, and yeah, so I didn't go to Harvard or Yale, but you know what? I'm a blue collar lawyer. I'm very good at what I do and I, and that's where that expression came from. It just, it just came right out of my mouth. I'd never heard it before, I've never heard anybody else say it, but that's where that came from.

Speaker 1:

I love that. I got to tell you in just a short moment that we've been talking. I just find you to be a fascinating individual and there's so many things that you're talking about that I can relate to. I grew up blue collar too, and I like that with your book and everything. I think people are so much more than I worked at Google or I worked at Apple or you know I did this. It's like what does a person bring? You know what's the personality, the character, and I think, when you talk about blue collar, my parents were factory workers and I know one of the things that I experienced as a kid was I didn't take things for granted, I wasn't entitled, and I think that's really helped me in life. I mean, what are your thoughts about that?

Speaker 2:

100%. I was and I still am, you know, very, very grateful for the opportunity. You know I was in my early 30s. I got loans to pay to go to law school. I didn't know what I was doing. I applied to the law school that's closest to my house and fortunately I got in. I later learned that's not how you apply to law school.

Speaker 2:

You know it should be a little bit of a more thoughtful process than that, but I felt so lucky to be there that I was able to borrow money. It was never like man, I have to pay this back. It was like I get to do this, you know, and that keeps you, I think, from being complacent and just like this attitude of gratitude that I still have to this day. One of the things that really drives me is my coach. I have a business coach and he talks about he uses this term the burn, like what is it? That it's kind of deeper than a why or purpose, that really you know to do what you need to do, to be your best practice, your disciplines, and day after day after day after day, and he calls it a burn, and that's a pretty good term, I think. So mine is being grateful for the opportunities I have.

Speaker 2:

You know there's a great scripture that says you know to whom much is given or to whom much has been entrusted. Much is required. And when I think about all the opportunities I've been given, you know my grandparents coming on over on a boat, my mom surviving countless, countless surgeries when I was a kid you know very, very serious thing. My dad working outdoors, you know, coming home at night hands and feet cracking open because it was so cold, you know, working in the cold on the waterfront in New York, and so you think I'm going to lay in bed and say, you know, not that I ever set an alarm, but if I did like push a snooze button, you know, I mean it's like it's not going to happen.

Speaker 2:

You know, and I've never lost that, even even now. You know, and I've never lost that, even now. You know, I've stepped away from the practice of law. That still has not left me. I just feel like I'm very privileged and I connect with this every single morning, every single morning. I have things around the house to remind me. Even in my car I have that little scripture on a little piece of paper, like stuck in my little radio thing, and and I'm just, I just constantly remind myself, you know, and it works for me and and I it's kind of my, my guiding push, you know, on an everyday basis.

Speaker 1:

This is going to be an amazing podcast for people to listen to, and I say that because you're talking about the intent that you have when you start your day and the intent that you have for your life, and I think so many people dismiss that and they don't express gratitude and they don't know what they're doing, and I love that you have that guidance in the morning.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I have. In fact, I need to trim it down. I think my morning kind of protocol has gotten a little bit too long. But you know, there's there's some devotionals I read, there's prayers, there's gratitude. I'm a huge believer in positive self-talk and I am statement and I just say these things every day, and I have this hack. In fact, it's going to come out soon. We're going to be. I have a monthly well, it's a bi-weekly actually newsletter that I just started doing, and this is actually going to be a newsletter article that's coming out really soon. I have this hack about that.

Speaker 2:

I use to keep my goals in front of me all the time, and so I read them multiple times a day and it shows you, you know your, what are your daily actions you need to take to hit each of your identified goals in six areas of your life, and so that's going to be a part of my newsletter. If people want to pop on my website, they can sign up for it. It's free, and so you know I keep that in front of me. I got it went on Amazon, I got like a $9 laminator thing and I laminate it, I stick it inside my planner and I read it two, three, I don't know how many times a day, cause it's right there, it's right there. I'm a big believer in, you know, prayer, very intentional reading, like you say, what you put into your head.

Speaker 2:

There's um two or three podcasts that are very, very short. They're great for the morning. They're like two or three minutes long and they're just, like you know, like food for your soul, you know, and your mind. So I listen to those. I also.

Speaker 2:

I got this app a couple of years ago. That's really wonderful. It's called the Heroic app and it's really really good because the guy who set it up has this. The way it works is you commit every morning. You log onto the app and you have to, like, hold your finger on it and commit to your daily protocols every day in three different categories, and his categories are relationships, work and health. And then there are some pre-populated suggested things that you do every day and when you do them, you swipe it. You swipe left or right and you get a merit like a little thing saying that you've done it, and then you can add your own. So for me, I added all kinds of things, like three things. I'm grateful for my three most important tasks of the day. Three points of contact I'm going to make today, three things I'm excited about today.

Speaker 2:

And then there's, like you know, the Bible reading. Now I'm doing 75 hard, of course. So that's the exercise protocol for now, and then you check in at the end of the day and you knock it off, so you bookend it and it's super helpful and one of the things and I know this has got to be an important issue for your community dealing with stress and dealing with burnout and dealing with intense pressure.

Speaker 2:

What I find is, the more stress you're under, the more you have to lean into your protocols, and that's when people stop doing it Most people stop doing it. I'm tired, I don't feel like it. I had a rough day. I'm not going to go to the gym, I'm not going to do whatever. I'll have a drink. I'll watch 14 episodes of something on Netflix. Maybe, while I'm have a drink, I'll watch, you know, 14 episodes of something on Netflix. You know, maybe while I'm having a drink. You know, well, yeah, it's very efficient, yeah. So you know, the more you kind of keep to those your protocols that keep you grounded, that keep you focused on the good, and you know why you're doing certain things. You know, one of the things I have on my list for the protocols is create a micro moment of awesome today, and so that could be, you know, like just a little conversation you have with the cashier, you know, in the grocery store. Or you know you drop a nice comment on somebody's LinkedIn post and they're really happy about it. So I think that you know keeping grounded in your protocols when you're most stressed, focusing always on preparation. What I found in the law and you know any type of lawyer really, but certainly lawyers in the cyber space, you know, especially if they're doing IR type of work. You know it's incredibly stressful. You know keeping focused on these protocols and your burn and your why for why you're doing what you're doing and not getting too sucked into like a victim mentality. You know, and a lot of this presupposes you're not working for. You know sadists and horrible people. You know, but I think a lot of it is is really controllable and having an attitude of service.

Speaker 2:

Have you, have you ever heard the story about the three bricklayers? No, I have not. This is, this is a great story and I think this applies to any profession at all. Sure, so there's three brick layers laying brick and somebody walks over to the first one and says what are you doing? And he said I'm doing what I was told. I'm laying brick. I just put one brick on top of the other and this is what I do all day long. I go, okay. Then he goes to the next guy what are you doing? And he said I'm building a wall. This is how I support my family, my wife and my beautiful children. Okay, so a little bit of a different perspective there. Then he gets to the third bricklayer. What are you doing? I'm building a magnificent cathedral where people from all over the world are going to come and marvel at how beautiful it is, and they're going to worship inside and give thanks to God for their beautiful life and all the gifts they've received. So what keeps you going? What keeps you going If you're just laying one brick on top of another, you're responding to one incident after another, or you're supporting your family, you're building a practice.

Speaker 2:

You're fulfilling a lifetime dream. You're able to support yourself and causes you believe in. You know you're able to write checks to whatever's important to you. You're able to take your family on vacation. You know you're able to send your kids to good schools, whatever it may be. If you can kind of keep that perspective in place and never lose sight of it, I think that makes such a difference, melissa, in your approach to really stressful situations.

Speaker 1:

I agree with that and I'm so glad that you've shared some good information and some inspiration here, and I definitely want to ensure that we tell, or that I put the website and the newsletter information out there, because a lot of the people that are writing me and talking about the show is how the guests are impacting them and how they're thinking differently. And I was sitting here listening to you and when I've come back to my spirituality and having that gratitude and knowing that there's such a amazing world out there that we can be a part of and can contribute to, that really gets me fired up and inspires me. So I really appreciate you talking about that.

Speaker 2:

Thanks and, and you know, when I was deciding to go into this coaching thing you know it was it was a little scary for me and I did. I did, you know, some what would you call it? Business intelligence research, you know, and I was looking at, you know, what are other coaches in this space saying and what I noticed was so many, so many people and I'm sure there's great coaches and I don't have my finger on the pulse of every coach out there, not at all but what I was seeing a lot of was I will help you get out of your current role, I will help you transition away and you know, open that bakery you've always wanted to open or like, do that kind of thing, and that's not really always an option for people, you know, and it really I don't believe it's oftentimes what they really even want, you know. I think what they want is relief from the stress that they're dealing with.

Speaker 2:

They don't know how to do it. So they think they want to leave their job. And so they're in this quandary of you know, I got to get one more kid through college. You know I want to pay off the mortgage and then I'll quit. So they almost like sentenced themselves to finishing their career, which is really such a sad way to go about it, you know. Or they do leave, and I have to think many of them have regret after they leave, you know, because it probably wasn't like this burning hatred for what they were doing.

Speaker 2:

They were probably just, you know, needed a healthier approach and protocols and systems for dealing with. You know, the inevitable stress that, by the way, you get in any profession you go into, not just tech, not just white collar professional stuff, it's everywhere. And so learning how to deal with it, and especially now, because you know, our competition is it's not the kid who sat next to you again in college, it's some kid around the world who's a lot hungrier than you are, probably physically and metaphorically as well, you know. And so everybody is under these types of pressures. But falling back on, you know, the mindset, the gratitude, the physical health, all of these things, I think it just makes such a massive difference. Yeah.

Speaker 1:

I want to ask you something before we get into the 75 hard challenge. Let me know what you think about this, because when I was doing some research and kind of reinventing myself, one of the things that I found myself doing and I just thought of it when you were talking about the person that's hungrier, that's around the world I think what I see is that there's a lack mindset. I think people because I see this on LinkedIn, that's the only social I think I have at this time I see that a lot. No, there's not this, there's not that, and if you really just dive deep into manifestation and into creating and whatnot, it really I don't know how we're conditioned to believe that, but I find it astonishing that you can change your mindset and truly create what's meant for you and not worry about the outside noise. What do you think about that?

Speaker 2:

I agree 100%. It's so important to know what's within your control and what's not within your control, and that also eliminates a lot of problems. I stopped watching the news almost a decade ago. A lot of problems, you know, like I stopped watching the news almost a decade ago, I still know what's going on. You know you can't help but find these things out, right, but you know so. I don't watch the news on TV.

Speaker 2:

I used to watch way too early every morning at the gym and then transition into Morning Joe and I was living and dying with every tweet that anybody sent and I was like this is so stupid, like this has got to stop. And so I did. And you know I'll still vote the way I think I should vote and I'll give money where I think I should give money, but I don't have to be, you know, immersed in it. And that's the same thing with politics in your office, in your HOA. Everybody in my neighborhood is on, like this Facebook thing, and they're always complaining about something. And they're like Judy, what do you think about the fact that so-and-so parked his car here? I said I'm not on Facebook.

Speaker 1:

I'm happy as can be.

Speaker 2:

I'm walking my dog down the street. I don't care who's parked where, but yeah, so I think we have to control those externals. Externals, and you know, there was an article I read just this morning that was really fascinating. And um, did you read that book? Grit by um, oh, I forget her name the um professor out in California.

Speaker 1:

And it's all about having a growth mindset.

Speaker 2:

There's yeah, it's a really great book I'm sorry I can't think of. I think the name of the book is Grit and it's about how, when you have kids, you compliment them trying hard, and you compliment them the process more than the results. Because people with a fixed mindset are like, well, I can never be good at this because I don't have that gene, you know. And so they don't seek to improve and they don't deal well with any type of rejection or, you know, bad review or any type of hardship. You know they don't feel like they can improve. So I don't know if it's an influence from that type of thinking, but there was an article posted this morning I can't remember what publication and it was saying how there's a real disconnect between management and companies and young employees, because they think that they should be rewarded for effort even though they're not getting results. Yeah, that's not how it works, not how it works.

Speaker 2:

And so I think you know I'm not going to get political and I don't- think it's a political issue really, but the way we've kind of been lately of on both sides of the aisle, of not wanting to hear anybody who disagrees with us, you know we've gotten very polarized in our own little sectors and attribute horrible motives to people on the other side, and all of these things, I think, weakens us as a culture. And then you show up at work and I have some stories in my book of you know, even when it comes down to things like dress code. You know some young woman having an absolute meltdown at an insurance company. They have a dress code which, you'll be shocked to hear, does not include sparkly sneakers, and she just was like this is how I express my identity, this is how I show the world who I am. They're like. Well, you're going to have to show it after work.

Speaker 1:

My goodness, I want to ask you this. Geez, I could talk to you all day, but one of the things is, I think, iphones and iPads, I think that's ruined a lot, and you're seeing things right from all over the world and people are coming out there. They're like, well, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that. You know what my advice is for everybody? Get outside and touch some grass, get some vitamin D, walk it off.

Speaker 2:

If you hear that, that's me clapping for you. Thank you. In the first chapter of my book I focus on that quite a bit because you know, and I feel bad for the younger generation, there are a lot of latchkey kids and they grew up texting, not talking, and then they put on big noise canceling headphones and so they don't communicate. And then when they show up at the workplace they're supposed to interview well, they're supposed to make small talk and if they do get the job, they're supposed to know how to interact that way. And so there's.

Speaker 2:

I have a lot of tips in the first chapter of the book of how you know people. You know lean into, lean into your strengths. You know if you're a digital native, lean into that. You know you get around partners like me in a law firm and we're like you can do my technology, you can do my e-discovery, me in a law firm and we're like you can do my technology, you can do my e-discovery. You're hired.

Speaker 2:

But you know I have like tips in there, like put your phone in your pocket and go to Starbucks. You know, chat it up with some stranger on the line. You know, make small talk with the barista, learn how to interact verbally, a little eye contact, and not be so proud of the fact that. You know I don't do small talk. You know you're going to have to do small talk. People won't hire you unless they like you. You know, and so I agree with you. It's kind of sad I was. I was in the city the other day and I saw this couple walking down the street together. They were both on their phones looking down, oh my goodness, and they both had the noise canceling headphones on.

Speaker 1:

What a great relationship. That's what.

Speaker 2:

I was thinking. That's what I was thinking, and they were probably texting each other. No, I don't know.

Speaker 1:

I mean we text each other in the house, but you know we live in Texas and you know it's not like our small place in Illinois, but we'll text each other. But we don't do that. It's just crazy.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, it was like man. And then you know what do some people do for fun Virtual reality. Then they just put a thing over their eyes and they're literally someplace else. So, yeah, I think these things are not conducive to you know building and conducive to you know building and you know the pandemic didn't help any of this by the way, no, no.

Speaker 2:

And I found and there's some stories in the book around this too, a lot of stories actually how I learned so much just from being in the office with senior partners and other people who would just I call it accidental mentoring. They would just see you and comment about this or that, sometimes good, maybe not good, you know, but you would just learn like that. You don't have those opportunities and you know you can't blame it all on the, you know, on their junior people, because I know, trying to get you know senior people you know in, like in New York, for example. You know if you're, if you live out on the island or you're up in Connecticut like I'm not coming in the office. You know people got very comfortable and we got. We got a little soft, I hate to say it, because these are things we did without even thinking about.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I remember back in the day when I lived in Chicago and I was taking the train to work and I was going in the office and it was like a big you know my girlfriend's at work We'd go see. And I was going in the office and it was like a big you know my girlfriends at work we'd go see. I think it was gladiator after work. I mean, it was a really great social environment. Not only were you working and learning technology, but you were hey, let's go. You know, sex in the city was big back then. Let's go have um, or those things called cosmopolitans.

Speaker 2:

Oh, yeah, yeah, the pink drinks.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and you don't see that anymore. Everybody you know drives long distances or they're remote and it's weird like you know, you could.

Speaker 2:

Apparently a bunch of employees sent him a petition about against remote work and he's like I don't care about your blankety blank petition, everybody gets into the office.

Speaker 1:

Well, let's talk about this. We're talking about the protocol and everything that you're doing, and I love that and I I'm taking notes over here. So I've got my pink stickies and I'm like okay, I'm writing this down, Tell me about how. How did you find it, why are you doing it and what's your overall? I mean, are you loving it or what?

Speaker 2:

You mean 75 hard. Yes, yeah, yeah, Uh. I you know. I don't remember how I found it, probably because I was listening to Ed Milet. I don't listen to Andy Frisella that much, although I do think he gives great entrepreneurial advice. I'm not big on cursing and there's a lot of F-bombs.

Speaker 1:

I don't curse anymore In the Navy I did, but nah, I've totally failed. Maybe Dan makes as bad as it gets.

Speaker 2:

But you know it's great business. You know entrepreneurial advice, so maybe I heard it from him, maybe some friends were doing it, but you know it's a. It's a great program. I'm really enjoying it and, um, you know it's easier now that I'm not full-time at the law firm. Um, especially because the days are short and one of the one of the workouts has to be outdoors. And, uh, I'm doing it with a couple of friends of mine. So we're, you know we're on WhatsApp, you know, sending pictures of ourselves, you know, with a ruck on and the you know like the three degrees, you know, and I'm like why did we start this on January 1?

Speaker 2:

We should have started this, you know, maybe in May, but yeah, so there's a lot of accountability and I like it. I like it a lot. In some ways it's not that different from my daily lifestyle, cause I do read. You know you have to. You have to read 10 pages minimum of a of a nonfiction book, and so I would kind of do that anyway. The hardest part for me is drinking a gallon of water a day.

Speaker 1:

That's tough.

Speaker 2:

That's a lot of water. So, yeah, that's my least favorite part of it. There's the two 45-minute workouts that have to be three hours apart. They can both be outdoors.

Speaker 2:

I'm a little limited. I've had, I think, 11 knee surgeries and I had my ankle reconstructed two years ago. Good grief, I know so, but I'm telling you, these knees, man, I have the knees of a two-year-old because they're titanium. But I don't run anymore. So I'm kind of limited in what I can do outside. So I just walk as fast as I can with my dog and we walk up and down the same hills all the time, up and down, up and down, to try to get the hills in, and he's like crying and pulling me the other way. I'm like listen, man, I told you you didn't have to come, but it's, it's been, it's been, it's been great. I've noticed changes, like in my body. I've noticed you just, I don't know, it was just, it's almost hard to describe. You know, it's a real sense of accomplishment.

Speaker 2:

Now I had started it a couple of years ago and got up to day 37 and my ankle rolled and I had a big fall and yeah. So I went to the ankle doctor and you know, I ended up having the ankle reconstructed. Turns out I had a torn ligament and the tendon was behind the ankle, not on the side, you know, which is not conducive to standing up and walking vertically. So I got those things fixed, so that was a blessing in disguise. Actually, that fall didn't do it. That fall exposed it, so that was all good. So now I think we're on day 44 today.

Speaker 1:

Oh, that's great, that's great.

Speaker 2:

That's great. Yeah, I have to drink some more water and then do my indoor workout. I might do a second outdoor one, we'll see. We had nine inches of snow over the past two days and it's 60 degrees today, so it's a bit of a swamp out there. But I may go out and do another one of those while I can. But it's great. I do recommend it. It's not a prescriptive diet, but it has to be like a healthy diet and you decide no alcohol for the 75 days and no cheat meals. He calls it. So you know. I had company last week and I live in Virginia now. I moved down from New York and my company was like, hey, you have that great fried chicken down here. I was like, yeah, I won't be having that.

Speaker 1:

But here's the thing I don't know about you, but digestively speaking, I can't consume those types of things anymore, and if I do, I'm usually paying for it Like, oh, I just shouldn't have that pizza or that sushi.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's true, it's true, and I don't eat meat. I gave up meat decades ago. But I do eat chicken and turkey and fish. But yeah, and that was it. I was so poor in law school that I couldn't even afford. You know, I did eat meat back then, but I couldn't really afford it and on the rare times I would have it, like at my parents' house, it would be very hard to digest.

Speaker 2:

And so it wasn't a massive sacrifice to kind of walk away from it. And then you know, then you have to find your protein in other places, so yeah, that's I don't know.

Speaker 1:

I mean this is. I think a lot of people are going to really enjoy this podcast episode because we covered a lot and I think, from my opinion, from what I'm seeing out there, people are looking for guidance, they're looking for focus, they're looking for inspiration, and I think we can be part of the movement or sit back and let it happen without your participation. But I think we're on a good trajectory, at least from what I'm seeing.

Speaker 2:

I think so too, and it's really amazing to me. Sometimes I'll just get you know random messages from people saying people I don't know we're not connected online. I've never seen them interact with my content online and they're like I love your content, it's so great, and I'm actually starting to write a second book now based on a concept in the first book. Some of the feedback I got on the first book was this is not just for lawyers, despite the title, and the last chapter of the book is kind of like a I guess like a personal development-y kind of chapter, with some of my hacks that I use for myself that work well, and one of those hacks I've gotten such good feedback that that's going to be the basis of my new book that I'm going to start. You know have a pretty robust outline and I'll have to get that thing in shape pretty soon, but the concept is well.

Speaker 2:

I'll tell you the story of how it happened this way before I went to law school, I was, I had a job and this guy I was working with used to come into work every single day and we were working in retail. I think I was in college and so we were working in retail and you would do different shifts. You would work, sometimes you'd open, sometimes you would close, you know. So that's, you know, can be hard physically, but every day this guy would come in and he'd say I'm so tired, I'm so tired. And every day you'd be like hey, how are you? And like, oh, I'm so tired. And he used to call me.

Speaker 2:

He used to call me, he used to call me, miss Udy, miss Udy, I'm so tired, I'm so tired. And then, but you know, after, like, after a few weeks, you're like man, you know, and so, but then, you know, before you know it, everybody else is yawning. And so one day I just said to myself that is it. I will never, ever, ever say the words I'm tired again. And that started quite unintentionally. My never say it list and some of the other things I might never say, at least you know I'm tired is number one on the list. I don't feel like it is number two on the list because you never say I don't feel like it when you're like, you know, I'm going to sit down and write that report, you know. Or I mean, I mean when you're, when you're going to go watch Netflix or something. It's only when you're doing something you should do. You know, like I should write that report, I should go to the gym, but I don't feel like it, you know. And so I took certain certain phrases out of my vocabulary. The other day, a couple of weeks ago. I was thinking you know, is there is this just me, or is there any science that actually backs this up? And there, there's quite a bit of science that backs it up. So that's going to be the theme of the new book all around.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, what you're saying, what you're not saying, the science behind it, the scripture behind it and some hacks I use. Like I have an article coming out soon on this, a little post or whatever it is. Like if you say I'm not good at you, know whatever, like I'm not good at Excel. So if you want to stop saying these things, bad things about yourself, there's two hacks, one add at the end of that sentence yet the word, yet I'm not good at Excel. Yet it's a whole different vibe. You feel a little bit more empowered, you know, right, right. Or if you really want to shake yourself up, you say at the end of the sentence and that's just the way I want it. So you try, you try, say, say, think of something that you're, you know you wish you were good at, or good, but you're not, and then put that at the end.

Speaker 1:

Okay Now, good at, but you're not. And then put that at the end. Okay, now I'm trying to think what am I not good?

Speaker 1:

at. I need to be good at. You're nothing. Everything, you're good at everything. I want to say this, though when we go back to talking about the blue collar work ethic and myself being in the military, I really think that you get that conditioning, because, judy, all throughout this conversation, it's never, you know, there's I have not heard you once say, well, I had difficulty doing this, or this happened to me. It's quite the opposite. It's quite like hey, this is how I endured, this is what happened, this is how I stay empowered, and I think that's what needs to happen right now with a lot of the younger folks, is that they need to be empowered, and not, oh, it's okay, well, let's you know, let's rub the dirt off and let's keep going.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, the, the kind of victim, the poor me, poor us, type of thing. Like you know, I mentioned the knees, you know, and the I've had, like the you've had the knees, the shoulder is replaced. All from overuse.

Speaker 2:

It's all overuse and people say, oh, judy, that's awful. I say, what do you mean? That's awful? Lives dedicated to this so that they could come in and do this for me. There were amazing engineers that thought how am I going to invent a reverse shoulder implant for someone whose rotator cuff is gone? That is, you know, that will be functional for them. Well, who's sitting here? Remember I said gratitude, beneficiary of other things, sacrifices people have made for me. Who am I to complain? You know, absolutely. And so I think that that approach and this, this took some work. You know, this, this took some work because, you know, I grew up in an Irish Catholic family where, you know, a lot of people got a lot of, you know, attention for being the worst off Right, like you were really lucky if they put the word poor before your name, like poor Melissa. Oh my gosh, you can't believe what she's going through.

Speaker 1:

Goodness, I can't wait to. I'm going to check out your book and then, please, I need to know when that newsletter launches. And I love that you have something coming out with hacks, because I think if we have guidance for them me, I'm doing this podcast, you're writing, we're helping the collective right, so I think you're contributing to people that really need this right now. They need guidance.

Speaker 2:

And that's the thing you know. It doesn't have to be like this, because you only get one life. You only get one life and when you focus on the things you can control and not get distracted by everything else going on in the world I'm not saying to be an irresponsible citizen or anything like that but focus on what you can control and focus on what is right and how you can be of service to others. You know, there's a great saying by a very old-fashioned speaker named Zig Ziglar and he said if you don't want to be of service just because it feels like the right thing to do, he always says you get what you want in life if you just give enough other people what they want. Yeah, and think about it.

Speaker 2:

It's true From your client to your boss, to your parents, to your girlfriend, to your boyfriend, to your whatever. You know, it's the way the world works, and so when you adopt that certain, that mindset of service looking to give, not get you actually do get, you actually do get. Ooh wow.

Speaker 1:

This was. This was an incredible episode. Like I've got to go edit it tonight. So I go, let's do it, cause you really threw out a ton of great information and hacks. I'm so privileged that you came to the show. Oh man.

Speaker 2:

I am so happy and I love the fact that you're taking this on as like a like a social responsibility to you know, to uplift your listeners, and it really makes their lives better. So I'm thrilled to you. Know, you and I I think we found ourselves on LinkedIn because we're kind of aligned in that way and I'm very grateful for the opportunity to you know to share these things that you know, have worked for me, you know, have worked and worked for my clients.

Speaker 2:

I know they work and I've seen what happens when people act differently. And I see like I've seen the lawyers in the fetal position on the floor in their offices. You know, I've seen the lawyers either blowing up and screaming, rages.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, there's got to be more to life than that, right.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and so a lot of it is just like learning. You know these tactics, hacks and mindset approaches to deal better with the inevitable stresses, and you know difficulties we all have.

Speaker 1:

Judy, thank you so much. I mean, I think we're going to have to have a part two. There's so many of our guests where people are like are they going to come back on anytime soon? So yeah, I definitely have to put you on that list. But thank you so much for coming. Please remember to subscribe to our podcast on various platforms, including Apple, spotify, iheartradio and many more. Thank you for tuning in and take care.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Melissa Sanford

Host
Head Shot

Lisa Sanford

Co-host